The Ancient Art of Tending to Yourself
After a long day living in my head, mind racing in a hundred directions, I didn’t always know how to come back into presence. I would stay trapped in thinking mode, unable to inhabit my body. Dysregulation was a typical occurrence; balance and truly feeling well seemed like a fantasy just out of reach.
Perhaps you know this feeling too, this sense of not fully being at home with yourself, feeling disconnected even after there’s nothing more to do and nowhere to be. This began to change when I discovered the ancient art of tending to myself, in partnership with the natural world, and something began to shift.
Tending is an Act of Remembering
For most of history, self-care held a different quality, one that was patient, relational, and unhurried. Long before the age of pricy cosmetics, unnecessary procedures, and preserving youth no matter the cost, the focus was on tending rather than perfecting, caring instead of optimizing. And one of the primary tools available came directly from the natural world: the plants.
Herbal self-care celebrates using what we find in nature to enhance our pleasure and enjoyment of life. For generations women have tended to themselves and those they love with what they sourced from their native environment, not as part of an exhausting wellness strategy, but as a natural way of being in a body in relation to the living world. This practice isn’t new; it’s waiting to be remembered.
“This orientation reminds us that self-care is an enduring practice of self-love and self-devotion, a practice of reverence for one’s body, mind, and spirit. And this practice continues to be available to us now.”
Here are some of my favorite ways to bring herbs into my day for wellness, enjoyment, and a little indulgence. These practices are grounding, nourishing, and experiential; rather than learning about herbal properties, plant constituents, or health benefits in a textbook, these practices are meant to be lived.
Allow your senses to guide and delight you. Touch, taste, smell, and savor. Notice which herbs help you feel relaxed and which ones bring a sense of aliveness. This is embodied self-care at its most joyful.
Herbal Body Oiling as a Practice of Self-Touch
Many of us can attest that receiving a massage helps us feel calmer, more relaxed, and more in touch with our bodies. Yet we tend to reserve this for a special occasion rather than treating it as a regular and necessary act of care. But we don’t have to wait for a spa day to receive this treatment – this is something we can do for ourselves at home. And adding an herbal oil to our massage heightens the effects considerably.
“Herbal oiling is all about the senses; it’s fragrant, indulgent, luxurious.”
Ayurveda, India’s ancient system of healing and well-being, has long promoted the practice of abhyanga (self-massage with oil) as a key remedy to ensure overall health and vitality. This practice relieves tension and stress held in the muscles, rejuvenates the skin, and serves as an opportunity to touch the body from a place of love rather than utility.
Oil massage is also incredibly healing on a somatic level. So often we spend our days living from the neck up, not fully attuned to our body’s communications as we navigate life. It’s easy to miss what she needs when we’re preoccupied with our thoughts. Massage draws us out of the mental space and viscerally reorients our attention, while herbal oil lends a warming stability and subtle strengthening of our skin barrier against the outside world.
One of my favorite ways to regulate my nervous system is an herbal oil massage. Whenever I feel particularly ungrounded or mentally scattered, I return to this practice, nourishing my body with warm oil infused with nervous system herbs such as passionflower and valerian. Something about the slowness, the repetition of applying oil in this manner, is inherently soothing to my body and quiets my mind in a way little else does.
If you’re looking to make your own herbal oil, consider sesame, coconut, grapeseed, apricot, or jojoba as a base. Choose herbs to infuse that nourish the skin, relax the body, and ease or invigorate the mind, or herbs that simply smell decadent and enticing. Some of my favorites to infuse in oil are chaparral, calendula, lavender, and juniper.
Turn to this practice when you feel ungrounded or imbalanced, when the seasons change, if your skin feels weathered or dry, or any time you wish to care for your body. As you slowly massage, relax your mind, savor the herbal aroma of the oil, and be present with yourself.
“This is true self-care, touching the body with reverence rather than utility, approaching her with devotion rather than critique. Let this experience bring you back into your body.”
Reflection:When was the last time you touched your body with tenderness rather than function?
Teas and Tisanes as a Sacred Ritual
Perhaps one of the most enduring self-care practices across cultures and centuries is the simple act of preparing a cup of herbal tea. Across kitchens, gardens, and healing spaces alike, this practice has persisted as part of a daily rhythm, generous in its simplicity.
Herbal teas are incredibly versatile and can be customized based on our needs on any given day. Tonic herbs, herbs that improve the function of one or more body systems and are generally safe to take long term, are often nutritive, delivering additional vitamins and minerals to complement our diets. Adaptogens assist our bodies in modulating the impacts of stress and improving vitality. Other herbs help us focus, digest, sleep, and lighten our mood.
“And yet an herbal brew holds more medicine than just medicinal plant constituents. The actual preparation is an act of ritual.”
The steeping, the waiting, the warmth, the scent, the taste. The entire process offers a chance to down regulate, to pause and reflect, to slip into a moment of relaxation and indulge the senses.
It’s also a chance to get creative and no two days have to look the same. I love to experiment with different combinations of herbs based on how I’m feeling. Sometimes it’s a spontaneous affair. I’ll throw some tastier herbs into a pot — fresh lemon balm, hibiscus, mint, maybe rose — when I want something to savor and enjoy.
Other days I think ahead, crafting a tonic herbal infusion to steep overnight. This is when I choose the nutritives — oat straw, rosehips, nettle, a little red clover — for an especially nourishing blend.
If I’m feeling frazzled, I reach for the nervines: skullcap, milky oat, tulsi. Herbs that calm my nervous system and settle my mind.
In the winter months I prefer masala chai. The cardamom, clove, star anise, and cinnamon impart a delicious warmth to stave off the cold. There’s nothing better than the cozy feeling of chai on a chilly morning.
“Preparing tea has become a ritual that anchors my day, a moment where the plants hold me in serene connection with myself.”
As you craft your own tea blends, let this be a time of intention, a chance to step away from the hectic pace of the outer world, an opportunity to embrace a calmer rhythm even for just a few minutes. This medicine is best when enjoyed regularly, a ritual amid the routine. A small and steady act of tending to yourself one healing cup of tea at a time.
Reflection:What does it feel like to pause and create a nourishing herbal tea for yourself?
Flower Essences as a Balm for the Soul
One of my absolute favorite ways to use plants to facilitate healing is by taking flower essences. These gentle remedies work not on the physical body but on our inner emotional terrain. They help us open our minds and hearts, deepen our awareness, and restore balance and harmony to our lives.
“A subtle yet powerful herbal self-care ally, flower essences offer us the ability to intentionally work with our interior landscape so that we can transform and realize our true potential.”
Despite having a long and rich history, flower essences remain relatively unknown within mainstream wellness. The flowers ask us how we want to feel, invite us to notice what we’re ready to let go of, then gently support us as we move in that direction. Not by force but in collaboration with our bodies.
Whenever I work with women who are new to this form of plant medicine, we generally begin by choosing flowers that help us feel calm, grounded, and safe in the body. We create inner stillness and deepen our capacity to feel what’s actually present.
Motherwort essence does exactly this, helping us drop into a deeper, more regulated nervous system state so that we can feel more peace and ease. The longer we work with this flower, the more this settled state becomes our new baseline.
Self-heal sparks our intuition about what’s truly beneficial for us. This flower guides us to trust our inner knowing, to discern what’s right for us, and then supports us in putting that knowing into practice.
Meanwhile zinnia brings back our sense of play, reminding us to let go when we’ve become too serious, to tap into the lighter more joyful part of ourselves that knows how to find wonder in the ordinary.
“Every time I craft a flower essence blend for a woman based on what she most needs, I’m in awe of how quickly she responds, how her temperament changes, how she moves into a state of deeper ease with seemingly little effort.”
If you haven’t tried flower essences yet, I invite you to begin with curiosity and an open mind. Let the flowers meet you where you are.
Reflection: How does your favorite flower make you feel?
Nature has always been here to tend to us, to take care of us when we most need her. These simple practices are an invitation back into that relationship, one warm cup, one gentle touch, one single flower at a time. They won’t solve everything, but their uncomplicated medicine meets us as we are, with patience and acceptance, reminding us to tend to ourselves in the same way.
