Why You Resist Slowing Down (And What to Do About It)
Most of us like the idea of a slower pace of life, at least in theory. Slow living evokes a sense of feeling calm, present, and in the moment without being hassled by the frenetic pace of the outer world. It sounds idyllic, reminiscent of the past when things were simpler.
Whether it's letting go of your never-ending to-do list or creating more space in your day to simply be, slowing down seems to promise less stress and more relaxation.
But truly slowing down as a way of life is easier to fantasize about than actually implement. Here are a few of the roadblocks you might encounter when you try to leave your fast-paced life behind:
YOUR MIND STRUGGLES TO ACCEPT A SLOWER PACE
As soon as you start to slow down, your mind is likely going to protest on some level. Many of us fill up our days with endless tasks and activities that rarely leave space for regular reflection or stillness. We are so used to being overstimulated and bombarded with information and stimuli from the external world, that having empty space can be a disconcerting experience for our minds.
The mental conditioning that we should always be doing, achieving, and on the go is strong and it’s difficult to embody a different way of being.
“Once you consciously choose to adopt a slower pace, your conditioning is going to get activated.”
Particularly if you value busyness or wear productivity as a badge of honor, you might find yourself fixating on what you "should" be doing, unable to actually enjoy the respite from your busy life.
If you start increasing the amount of unstructured space in your day, you might notice mental narratives emerging around being lazy, wasting time, not being productive, or not having earned the right to rest.
When I first started to intentionally adopt a slower pace of life, there were several moments throughout the day when I noticed myself wanting to revert to productivity-oriented tasks. After a couple weeks of waking up without an alarm and embracing leisurely mornings, my mind had trouble accepting a pace that was at odds with my formerly hectic lifestyle.
Even though I wanted to move more slowly through the world and create space to fully attune to my natural rhythm, part of me still felt pulled in the direction of constantly being on, constantly doing, constantly thinking about what was next. My mind continued to ruminate on all the things I could be doing.
If you've been operating in overdrive for a while, or if you operate primarily from your mental awareness, moving at an unhurried pace is likely going to feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable at first. You might experience a transition period where your mind wavers between high and low activity as you adjust to a new normal.
SLOWING DOWN FEELS FOREIGN TO YOUR BODY
Have you ever had the experience of going on a vacation where you couldn’t wait to relax and take a break from your everyday life only to discover that it actually took you a few days to get into a slower rhythm and truly unwind? Our bodies have their own rhythms, independent of the pace of our minds, and they often need more time to adjust to change than we think.
If you're used to a fast-paced lifestyle where you're constantly on the go, slowing down, pausing, and resting are big shifts for your body on a somatic level.
When you do begin slowing down, you might notice you're more aware of your body's sensations. While this can include increased awareness about when you need to go to sleep or when you're hungry, uncomfortable sensations, such as those associated with anxiety, restlessness, boredom, or hypervigilance, also have more space to come up.
“These somatic signals are always present, but your mind might simply not register them if you are always on the go.”
If we habitually push down uncomfortable sensations, they are going to be even more prominent when there is more space to feel and notice them.
In addition, if you’re living from a heightened sympathetic nervous system state such as being continually in fight or flight, slowing down can be incredibly activating for your body and may feel destabilizing without proper support. As a result, you may find yourself going back to your busy lifestyle in order to numb what’s coming up or as a way to return to what feels familiar.
Busyness can be an addiction, and as often noted in the somatics space, busyness as a way of being is considered a trauma response. The inability to simply be present without doing anything can indicate that there is something deeper going on that needs your attention.
SLOW LIVING IS COUNTER CULTURAL
In productivity-oriented, capitalistic societies, the rubric for success rarely includes quality of life but rather looks to external quantity-based metrics to define where we should focus our time and attention.
There is rarely consideration for leisure time, daydreaming, spontaneity, play, or creativity, and when we do experience these qualities, we often must plan to include them into our otherwise overly scheduled lives.
Social media adds to the idea that we should be constantly in a state of acceleration.
“We are entrenched in a comparison-heavy world that filters and curates the lives of those around us, making us believe we should be and do more.”
We unconsciously decide that we need to improve, optimize, and accomplish in every area of our lives.
I remember a friend once mentioning that she felt like everyone she knew was in a secret competition to prove they were the busiest of the group, bragging about their social engagements, work commitments, leisure activities, volunteering, exercise schedules, and morning routines. Every moment of every day was precisely accounted for with no real down time to breathe or be in the moment.
Adopting a slower pace of life, however, typically means less activities, less social engagements, and less commitments than you previously held. It means prioritizing life satisfaction rather than getting everything done. With this can come the fear of missing out as well as the fear of judgments from those around you when you being to begin living at an unhurried pace.
As you begin to slow down, unless you already have people in your life who’ve chosen to live at a slower pace as well, those around you are likely going to continue doing as much as they always have.
You might notice inner resistance coming up as you make this change in the form of judging, criticizing or even shaming yourself for not doing more to keep up with those around you even when you know it’s in your best interest to live a slower-paced life.
So what can you do if you notice resistance coming up?
CLARIFY WHY YOU DESIRE A SLOWER LIFE
Take the time to unpack what success means to you in the context of living at a slower pace.
Why do you want to slow down in the first place?
What isn't working in your life now that makes you want to change?
Why are you drawn to moving at a different pace?
How do you want to feel in slowing down?
Maybe you want to honor your body's natural rhythm. Or maybe you're tired of feeling overwhelmed and burned out and are craving more rest. Maybe you desire to have time to focus on what brings you joy and deepen your quality of life.
Whatever the reason, knowing your motivation and setting a personal intention to slow down will help you as you encounter and move through any resistance.
EXAMINE THE SOURCE OF YOUR RESISTANCE
Start by identifying where your resistance to slow living is coming from.
Are you lost in mental chatter about what you should be doing?
Are you struggling to integrate sensations and emotions that are coming up as your body moves into relaxation?
Do you feel worried about what your friends and peers think as they continue with their busy lives around you?
You might identify with one source of resistance or even all three. Journaling about your experience can be especially helpful in determining where resistance is coming from and as a way to consciously begin working through it.
Write down when you notice you want to speed up and quicken your pace. Focus your awareness on which situations trigger you back into activity and see if you can identify any patterns.
INTRODUCE SMALL MOMENTS OF STILLNESS INTO YOUR DAY
If you are used to operating at a fast pace, suddenly going in the complete opposite direction can feel too abrupt to your body. Consider gradually slowing down by introducing small moments of stillness into your day so your body starts to get used to the new pace.
Small doses of stillness will help expand your nervous system's capacity to gradually open up to deeper shifts over time and could include:
sitting in meditation for 10 minutes each day
choosing not to use electronic devices while sipping your morning beverage
spending regular time sitting in nature
carving out dedicated unstructured time each evening
These moments of stillness will help you gradually adjust to a slower rhythm until it feels more natural.
WORK WITH A SOMATIC HEALING PRACTITIONER
Somatic healing offers a guided experience of deepening into your body's sensations at your own pace. An experienced practitioner can help you to expand your capacity to be with what is present and guide you through techniques to help regulate your nervous system when you feel imbalanced or activated.
Slowing down naturally drops you deeper into the body, which can be an unfamiliar experience if you are used to living in your mind or operating from the thought space.
Working with a practitioner can support you to practice connecting to your innate rhythm at your own pace to allow for a more easeful transition as you move toward integrating more spaciousness into your life.