How Patriarchal Conditioning Impacts Women’s Well-Being
What is Patriarchy and How It Impacts women
Patriarchy is the current global ideology and social structure that creates a hierarchy between men and women and ultimately, elevates men. Under this system, men hold power and authority over women by virtue of their masculine traits and male biology.
“Masculine” traits such as exercising logic and reason, being assertive and goal-oriented, thinking and functioning in a linear manner, displaying control over emotions, and taking action are prized above more “feminine” traits such as relying on instinct and intuition, being receptive and community-oriented, thinking and functioning in a cyclical manner, openly expressing emotions, and simply being.
While each one of us possesses both masculine and feminine qualities in our own unique ratio, patriarchal society specifically centers and rewards men who display masculine traits while everyone else is downgraded to an inferior status.
In addition to creating this gendered hierarchy, patriarchy assigns clear roles and expectations for how both men and women should be and behave, and any deviation from these constructs is punished.
While men experience specific expectations and challenges under patriarchy, such as being cast in the role of provider or punished for displaying softer emotions, women bear the brunt of oppression within this system, expected to silently conform, submit to outer authorities, and give up sovereignty as individual human beings in deference to men.
Under patriarchy, women don’t have the luxury to be at the center of their own lives.
“Patriarchy relegates women to the roles of wife, mother, caretaker, and homemaker first, effectively casting women as supporting characters whose lives revolve around others.”
A woman’s worth is derived from how well she fulfills her designated roles and the extent to which she supports the men around her. If she chooses to stray outside these parameters, she risks being labeled difficult at best and actively silenced, oppressed, ostracized, or abused at worst.
How women internalize patriarchal values
One of the biggest misconceptions about patriarchy is that it exists solely as an external system, as a force outside of us. But patriarchy as a value system and lived way of being also resides within us.
Beginning in childhood, we as women are flooded with messages about what parts of us are acceptable and what parts aren’t. These messages translate into rules governing the maintenance of our physical appearance, the expression of our emotions, our right to take up space, which roles we are allowed to play, and the behaviors acceptable for engaging in both the home and in the public sphere.
Most emphasized are the importance of finding a partner and having children, as motherhood is considered women’s ultimate purpose in life.
These messages are everywhere and are passed on to us from family and friends, community members, teachers and peers, external authorities, religious institutions, workplaces, and the government.
“Over time we internalize these messages to the extent that we no longer need to hear them. We don’t need patriarchal evangelists constantly telling us what to do or how to be. We know what’s expected.”
As women, many of us don’t agree with or want to conform to patriarchal standards. And there are perhaps many areas of our lives where we consciously discern what is right for us and what isn’t and then choose for ourselves.
But the reality is we are swimming in patriarchal waters. Patriarchy offers opinions, expectations, and limitations on nearly every aspect of women’s lives. Without bringing concentrated attention to the ways patriarchy has influenced our thoughts and shaped our behavior, we are likely acting out at least some of the values and beliefs patriarchy promotes without the conscious intent to do so.
Which of the following mindsets have you internalized?
intellectual knowledge is superior to body-based wisdom
women’s bodies and natural expression are unpredictable and must be controlled
outer authorities and experts know what’s best for women
women are natural caretakers and supposed to be mothers
a woman’s worth is tied to her youth and beauty
When we see the women around us adhering to and upholding such standards, it becomes even more challenging to bring awareness around how we ourselves are perpetuating patriarchal norms because they have become so normalized in our psyche.
“Questioning the traditional way of doing things becomes difficult when the women in our lives advise us to conform. Breaking free of the status quo feels even more daunting.”
Even if we actively resist many of the values and mindsets perpetuated by the patriarchy, some persist simply because they are so pervasive. These messages alter our worldview and our value system, becoming a litmus test for all that we do. Patriarchal conditioning subtly conditions us to believe what we otherwise might not unless we take the time to intentionally examine our beliefs and their origin.
What this means for WOMEn’s well-being
Patriarchy impacts our well-being on both the individual and collective levels.
The beliefs and mindsets perpetuated by patriarchal culture serve to disconnect us from our true nature, our inner knowing, our sovereignty, and our natural expression as women. By acquiescing to these standards, we effectively hide, shun, and even repress natural parts of ourselves.
For example, patriarchy promotes the belief that intellectual knowledge is superior to body-based wisdom.
When a woman believes she can’t trust her own body’s signals, when she learns to distrust the subtle yes and no continually emanating from her body, she begins to look outside herself for answers, effectively shutting down her most primal and personal form of innate intelligence and instead begins to rely on outside input to make decisions.
Which of the following behaviors have you adopted?
sacrificing your time and energy to take care of others at your own expense
pushing past your body’s signals
disregarding your natural rhythm
outsourcing decisions about your body and well-being
overriding your boundaries to please others
prioritizing your physical appearance at the expense of your health
All of these behaviors indicate an unwillingness to acknowledge and act upon wisdom communicated by your body. When we ignore or distrust our animal instincts, we forgo a key part of what makes us human.
This continual disregarding of body-based communication can result in the inability to discern what is correct for you and what isn’t, eventually leading to further disconnection from your body, to living in your head, to feeling ungrounded and disembodied, to going through the motions and living on autopilot.
If you are still cognizant of your's messages, yet choose to disregard them in favor of ideas about what you should be doing, this creates an internal split between your body’s innate knowing and your intellect and mental conditioning. The knowledge that we are no longer living for ourselves results in a pervasive sense of inner discomfort and disconnection that can lead to a range of numbing behaviors as well as fully dissociating from our bodies.
“Unfortunately under the patriarchal model, women make the choice (consciously or unconsciously) to trade their well-being for safety and belonging.”
Safety and belonging are perhaps the two most important and primal needs humans have.
Safety and belonging for women under patriarchy are an illusion, however, as women are only granted these conditions if they stay within the narrow construct of what a woman should be. Once women deviate from these bounds, they are no longer afforded protection under the patriarchal system.
If you’ve encountered women who seem to particularly embrace patriarchal ideals, of if you yourself have at times, one possible explanation for this might be the state of your nervous system.
When our nervous systems register a threat to our basic needs (like safety and belonging), unless we know how to regulate our internal response, we are more likely to comply with ideas or act in ways that aren’t in our best interest, because on a primal level, we feel we have no choice and must comply in order to survive.
If we are living in a heightened nervous system state, where our fight, flight, freeze, or fawn instincts are activated, submitting to patriarchal values and norms, especially if we are in social groups that heavily favor patriarchy, may be our way of ensuring we survive, even at the cost of our basic sovereignty as human beings.
“As long women are forced to choose between outer belonging and inner coherence, true safety doesn’t exist.”
But staying confined to the limits of what a patriarchal woman is means you aren’t fully living for yourself. The more women have to compromise for safety and belonging, the more elusive these concepts become.
You have a choice to make: passively consume patriarchal messages and let them shape who you are and how you are in the world or actively choose to make your own decisions.
Which will you choose?
Want to go deeper?
deconstruct patriarchal conditioning with your free journal
Explore five key patriarchal beliefs and the underlying messages about women’s bodies, emotional expression, value and more so prevalent in our society.
Understand how these stories have subtly influenced your thoughts and behaviors with journal prompts designed to help you release limiting beliefs.
Make intentional choices, embrace more empowering reframes, and life on your terms.
