Our Dreams Are Meant For Us
I’ve been sitting with this question I can’t get out of my head: why do some women pursue their dreams while others choose not to?
I’m talking about the big dreams, the ones that latch onto our minds and won’t leave us alone.
The ones that inspire us and also kind of scare us because we know they demand a different version of us, one that isn’t quite yet here.
The ones silently pleading with us to take even the tiniest of steps in the direction of what could be, if only we could muster the courage.
The ones we might never dare utter aloud in case they’re too big, too far beyond the realm of what we believe is possible.
The ones we revisit again and again, sometimes in secret, hoping that maybe just maybe if we’re one of the lucky few, they might come true.
Every one of us has these dreams yet not all of us choose to act on them.
Why is that the case?
“What is stopping so many women from going after what we desire?”
Let’s start with the obvious, the entire spectrum of fears that freeze us in our tracks:
First up is the fear of failure.
We look at the odds and decide the outcome we seek is unlikely. The chances of success are far too slim.
What if our dream demands too much and we can’t make it happen? What if we try our best, if we give it our all, but still come up short despite our best efforts?
How devastating that would be, to live with the knowledge that we couldn’t quite hack it, that we crumpled in defeat after going all in!
The mere possibility feels too distressing to fathom, a personal blunder we’d prefer to avoid at all costs. The rewards don’t outweigh the risk, we conclude.
Better to not even try.
Then there’s fear disguised as practicality.
We're already overstretched. We have too much on our plate. We don’t have the time, the resources, the energy or support. It’ll take too long and it’s too much effort.
We lack the discipline, the work ethic necessary to get it all done. We don’t have the skills or expertise required.
And besides, lofty dreams like this simply aren’t attainable. It’s not what normal people do, not if they’re living in the real world.
The litany of excuses camouflaged as logical common sense.
It won’t work out anyway, we think. Easier to follow the sensible path.
Or perhaps it’s the fear of change blended with the even more harrowing fear of the unknown.
The certain lack of certainty that naturally arises the moment we venture beyond our comfort zone.
Our nervous systems cling to what feels safe and familiar, what can’t be predicted feels a bit too dicey.
Why risk it all to start over?
There are no guarantees and we have too much to lose. The prestige and accolades we’ve already earned, the titles and status we’ve already acquired.
Things are good enough, we reason. We’re comfortable where we are, why jeopardize what we have for what could be?
Sure we might desire more but we have everything we need.
Also rather frightening is the fear of claiming what we want, of taking up space, of stepping into our power.
We think if we don’t name it, we won’t have to claim it. We won’t have to make the decisions, wrestle with the hard choices, or be the one in charge. We won’t have to accept responsibility for how it all turns out.
We can continue hiding and staying small, neither ruffling feathers nor rocking the boat. We can sidestep the discomfort of choosing a bigger version of ourselves.
We can avoid looking in the mirror and pretend we haven’t fallen into a life that was never meant for us, that we aren’t sure how to get out.
We never have to engage in the treacherous process of unearthing what’s unshakable inside of us, of building the inner resilience needed to weather the setbacks and push forward despite our doubts.
And after all of that there’s a fear yet to consider: the fear of what other people think.
How perfect it would be if everyone supported our vision, shared our excitement, and had our backs as we embarked on our boldest new endeavor!
But our dreams aren't so universally palatable it seems, and the reactions and opinions can cripple us if we haven’t yet cultivated an unwavering faith in our own abilities.
The judgements, the disappointments, people whispering behind our backs. Gossiping in the corridors, making an offhand comment.
We’re afraid they’ll see us starting over, beginning again, not knowing what we’re doing, making countless mistakes. Witnessing our process before we have it all figured out.
We might not recognize that those very same people, the ones talking behind our backs with whom we spend our time, also aren’t pursuing their dreams, and have muddied our beliefs around what’s possible for us.
There’s so much fear, yet we all face these fears. Fear is a part of life, so what determines whether some women move past these fear and pursue their dreams anyway?
Maybe we need to go deeper, to delve into our conditioning from the past. To place a magnifying glass over our thoughts, examine the values underpinning our beliefs. Investigate the narratives from our culture, the patriarchy, the world around us.
Perhaps we’ve fallen into the trap so many women do, the one where we seek external attention, validation, and above all permission. We’re so busy asking if our dreams are ok we forget to think and decide for ourselves.
Maybe we’ve been living the life chosen for us, too busy pursuing someone else’s vision that we’ve neglected to tend to our own.
Or maybe we’ve never allowed ourselves to get in touch with our desires and wouldn’t recognize our biggest dream standing right in front of us.
But how are some women able to break free of this conditioning, shed it like a snakeskin, and say enough is enough, I’m going to live for me, damned be the consequences, while others stay stagnant worshipping the shoulds?
What if the reason lies deeper still? Maybe it’s us, maybe we’re the problem, the ones who act as our own worst critics, the ones who doubt we have what it takes?
We don't even need someone to tell us to refrain from going after what we want, we can do it ourselves! Place limits on our potential without a second thought.
We reason we can’t do it to the standard we want, we can’t do it to perfection, so better to give up before we’ve even begun.
There’s too much standing in our way, too many obstacles to overcome. We’re set in our ways, and pursuing our dream is just too hard.
But what happens if we don’t go after our dreams, if we choose to play safe, let the parts of us that long for something else wither and decay?
What happens if we give into the fears, the conditioning and self-doubt?
If we self-abandon and dim our own light?
If we suppress our inner knowing, the one that says there’s a different way?
If we allow the trap of good enough to keep us stuck?
What happens if we do this so consistently, so competently, that we reach the end of our lives without ever truly living for ourselves?
What becomes of us then?
Why do so many of us remain stuck when some women are able to make a different choice?
What catalyzes some women to envision a wildly different reality from the one they’ve been taught to embrace while others don’t dare to let their imaginations play with possibilities?
What gives some women the confidence to take tangible steps to bring their vision to life while others choose to follow the path that’s expected, repeating the same actions even when they aren’t satisfied?
Why do some women persevere, commit to seeing a dream through to the end, while others simply fold the moment they encounter obstacles?
Maybe it’s a combination of the factors above, or maybe it's something else entirely. Maybe it's deeply personal for each one of us, or perhaps we say it is when it’s really just a universal part of the human experience.
I don’t have the answers, but I do know this: our dreams are meant for us.
Dreams evoke our imagination, inspire our awe, and feed our sense of wonder. They spark our creativity, speak to our innermost longing, and reveal that to which we are inexplicably drawn. Dreams nourish our souls and guide our purpose, urging us to get clear on our deeper why. They quite literally give us a very good reason to get up each morning, to set our aim on creating a richer life, one with more meaning, texture, and depth.
Our dreams are waiting for us to dust them off, claim them fully, and take the tiniest of bold steps in the direction of bringing them to life.
And so what if we decide to go big and we don’t succeed? We cast aside the fears and it still doesn’t work out?
Maybe we don’t yet see that sometimes the pursuit isn’t about the dream at all.
“Sometimes it’s about who we become along the way, how we face our limiting beliefs and grapple with our own insecurities, how we develop the stamina to stand in the fire and let it shape us into something new and different we couldn’t be before.”
It's about the willingness to show up as more of ourselves, to shed what isn't truly us, to make space for something more aligned, something we perhaps didn’t envision, if only we can trust that after certain death we will rise up again.
It’s about the audacity, the determination, the unrelenting bravery to face our inner critic and continuously meet our edge, to consciously decide to step past the bounds of our self-imposed limits.
It’s about recognizing that our dreams also serve as our deepest initiations, beckoning us forth to the next iteration of ourselves. The little nudges and subtle whispers pointing us in a direction we were always intended to traverse.
Unless we pursue our dreams we never know just what we’re capable of, we risk leaving our greatest work unfinished. We rob ourselves of becoming all we’re meant to become, living smaller lives than we were ever meant to.
It all comes down to this: are you going to follow the path laid out before you or be one of the daring few to boldly chart your own?
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